Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Grrrrrrrrrr.....$%#&!!!!

Several hours after my training session at the gym today I was STILL pissed! I left at noon and didn't calm down til 6:30 pm. I was so annoyed that I didn't even have a proper title for this post SMH! When I got to the gym I was in high spirits and when I left I felt so...broken. I don't like that feeling. I know I probably got all in my feelings more than I should have but I'm an emotional person, that's who I am! Why was I mad? Because I was pushed to some limitations that I didn't realize that were there. Once they were exposed it upset me that I've let myself get so out of shape that I pretty much had to start over from scratch last month. Frustrating! Not to say that I haven't progressed because I have! But any time I have a weak moment I mentally go back to the person that I was 6 weeks ago who was 10 pounds heavier and had the "I can't" attitude. I couldn't tell you how many times I mouthed the words "I can't" or whispered "FML!" as I struggled through today's training session. Through the one hour session I went from fatigued, to frustrated, to annoyed to furious. And I couldn't decide who I was more upset with: my trainer for attempting to push me over the edge or me for mentally giving up. As I type this I realize I was only annoyed with him (lol that's normal...I think) but I was more UPSET with MYSELF. However, in  the moment of  "Just give me 20 more reps even though your arms are 'bout to fall off..." it was easier for me to project my frustrations towards him. I thought maybe I would calm down when I got home but 3 hours later I was still heated so I called the homie Kelli to see if I was trippin'. The conversation was filled with "hell naws", then giggles, then out right laughs, so I will need to summarize/paraphrase her response into one sentence for you. It went something like this:

"Soooo...you are upset because he did his job? That's what personal trainers are supposed to do...push you...."

Welp, and there you have it lol! In retrospect I tend to set higher standards for myself and get mad if I don't meet them. What I must learn to do is take that frustration and turn it into motivation rather than self-defeat. This is only the beginning of my journey and I have such a long road ahead of me, especially since I'm trying to change my entire lifestyle not just a quick fix... I have to keep pushing, keep moving forward and remember that I may not be where I want to be but I'm further along than I was. My hair? Let's just say:
Kinky Twist-2 Lance-1 -__-
The So Fresh So Clean Spray and water/condish mix helped bring my twists back to life but its definitely safe to say that the trainer won this round. I need to invest in some sort of loc/braid wrap for my hair for workouts. Sick of leaving the gym looking crazy lol. I'm out, I'll be in a better mood tomorrow. I promise;)
***Disclaimer***
Oh, oh,ohhhhhhh and NOBODY leave a comment talking about  "Your trainer is so FAHN!" I don't want to hear that right now. Lmao...

2 comments:

CurlyChellez said...

I heard Nicole Ari Parker has a new sweatband called "Save your do". Maybe that can help with the hair situation.
And kudos to u with being consistent with your workout!

www.curlychellez.blogspot.com

CurlyAndLovely said...

Thanks! I just checked out the site...its on a back order! It must really work lol. Def looking into it.

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